Episode 8 - "I'm Melting! I'm Melting!!"
- Rachel Toner
- Oct 24, 2024
- 5 min read
What does an autistic person have in common with the Wicked Witch of the West?
They both melt down when exposed to stimuli they can’t handle.
Yes I KNOW that’s not funny. It’s not a punchline or a joke. It’s just true.
The National Autistic Society explains meltdowns like this:
“What is a meltdown?
A meltdown is an intense response to an overwhelming situation. It happens when someone becomes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and temporarily loses control of their behaviour. This loss of control can be expressed verbally (e.g. shouting, screaming, crying), physically (e.g. kicking, lashing out, biting) or in both ways.
A meltdown is not the same as a temper tantrum. It is not bad or naughty behaviour. When a person is completely overwhelmed, and their condition means it is difficult to express that in another way, it is understandable that the result is a meltdown.”
So straightaway, we see the important distinction between a tantrum and a meltdown. They are absolutely NOT the same thing. So, if you see, for example, a child in a supermarket or other public place having what you THINK is a tantrum, just think again. Yes it MIGHT just be a child who doesn’t like hearing the word “no”. But it also MIGHT be a child with autism, or another difference or difficulty, experiencing complete sensory overwhelm and having no other outlet. Either way, PLEASE be kind. The parent or caregiver in that situation absolutely does NOT need staring, tutting, judgement or negative comments, and nor does the child or young person. Believe me, it won’t help.
Meltdowns aren’t just for children either. I – a woman of 21 – (ok ok FINE, 41), had one only the other day. Here’s what happened.
For a short holiday, my partner and I had booked a “Just Park” space (a clever little scheme where you can pay to park on someone’s private driveway) close to the airport. This space was attached to a lovely house, behind a secure fence and gate – ideal. EXCEPT – the turn onto and down said driveway was incredibly tight and narrow. Getting in was fine, but as we set off walking towards the airport I was already dreading the return journey. You see – one of the things I struggle with MASSIVELY is spatial awareness. A study by Lind et al in 2013 sought to explore the difficulties with spatial awareness and navigation experienced by “intellectually high-functioning adults with autism spectrum disorder”. This was a very thorough study and at the time was one that made use of a larger sample of people than previous research had done. The study did find significant “deficits” in the areas of spatial awareness and navigation, and proposed that this finding adds weight to the hypothesis that hippocampal function is different in autistic people.
So there you go. Sod your jokes about women drivers. I can’t park because I’ve got a dodgy hippocampus, ok??? Well, that, plus the fact that like most women I’ve been given a very skewed view of what 8 inches is supposed to look like.
That WAS a joke.
But back to my parking space situation. I cannot reverse in or out of small parking spaces, and probably couldn’t if my life depended on it. On the return journey, trying to edge my way out of this tiny driveway, even with the assistance of mirrors, parking sensors and my partner’s verbal instructions, I kept ending up back exactly where I’d started, and no amount of “turn the wheel” this and “full lock” that was going to make a blind bit of difference. I was getting increasingly stressed, my breathing was all over the place and I could feel tears stinging behind my eyes. Long story short, the owner of the house ended up getting a local workman to back my car out (which he managed in only two attempts), while I stood on the pavement crying uncontrollably, shaking, struggling to breathe and completely disengaged from the world.
Thankfully, that’s rare for me. The last time that had happened was several years ago (and was also car-related, funnily enough!). After an episode like that, I’ll be extremely tired for the rest of the day, and possibly even the next day, and my brain will resemble scrambled egg even more than it usually does. Just horrible.
So. If you are with an autistic person who is having a meltdown – here’s what NOT to say:
“It’s not a big deal.”
It may not be a big deal to YOU. But it is to me. What you’ve got to remember is that meltdowns are physically and psychologically horrible. The physical presentations are extremely unpleasant, and if such a thing happens in a public place – truly humiliating. Nobody in their right mind would CHOOSE that. A true meltdown is something that only happens when every other self-soothing strategy and every other coping mechanism has failed. It’s last chance saloon territory. So clearly, to that person, whatever has caused the problem IS a big deal. A HUGE deal, in fact. Don’t invalidate that. You don’t get WHY it’s a big deal? Frankly it doesn’t matter. Just know that it IS. And be kind.
“Just calm down!”
Gosh. Silly me. Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? I’ll JUST calm down, right now. There. Sorted.
Let’s deal with this here and now. If a person in meltdown COULD “just calm down”, they absolutely would. I’ll say it again, meltdown is not a choice of behaviour. Telling someone in meltdown to “JUST calm down” is a bit like walking up to a building that’s on fire and saying, “I say old bean, would you mind awfully just NOT being on fire? There’s a good chap.”
Ridiculous, right? I’ll say it again. Be KIND.
So, if you want to be helpful, what SHOULD you do or say?
1. Remove the trigger. If you know what has caused the issue, get rid of it, take the person away from it, solve the problem. In my particular case – this involved getting the workman to successfully rescue my car.
2. Remain calm and quiet. Becoming agitated or frustrated with the person or worse still, shouting at them, will be completely counter-productive.
3. Be aware of their space. Some autistic people (though I suspect not many) might find physical touch like hugging comforting during a meltdown. The vast majority won’t. If you get in their space during a meltdown, it’s essentially extra sensory input that they don’t want at that point.
4. If you know there are things they find soothing – particular objects, for instance, try to provide those.
5. If possible, take them or encourage them to go to a space that is quiet and calm, away from whatever it is that caused the meltdown.
6. Anything that lowers the level of sensory input may help. Noise-cancelling headphones, for example, or dimming lights.
7. When the person has returned to a calm state, ask them to tell you about the experience. Listen to them without judgement or criticism, and see if you can ascertain what the cause was, and whether there is anything that they as an individual would find particularly helpful, should such a thing happen again.
Thanks to “Reframing Autism” for these suggestions, and further help can be found by accessing their website (see “Sources” below.
Essentially – and I’m sure by now you know what’s coming………
Be kind. Be kind, be kind, BE KIND.
Love and sparkles,
Rach xx
Sources:
Lind SE, Williams DM, Raber J, Peel A, Bowler DM. Spatial navigation impairments among intellectually high-functioning adults with autism spectrum disorder: exploring relations with theory of mind, episodic memory, and episodic future thinking. J Abnorm Psychol. 2013 Nov;122(4):1189-99. doi: 10.1037/a0034819. PMID: 24364620; PMCID: PMC3906800.
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